Anxiety is an experience most of us are familiar with, whether it manifests as a feeling of dread, a racing heartbeat, or an overwhelming sense of unease. But what if some of the anxiety we feel is connected to aspects of ourselves we’ve been unwilling to confront—our shadow?

Carl Jung, the pioneer of shadow work, once said, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” This quote highlights that enlightenment, or a sense of peace and clarity, comes not from ignoring the darkness within us but from bringing it to light.

How Our Shadow Contributes to Anxiety

Our shadow consists of the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden away, often because we were taught they were unacceptable or because they didn’t fit our desired self-image. These hidden traits don’t disappear; they live in our unconscious mind, subtly influencing our thoughts and feelings. Anxiety can often be a signal that something in our shadow is seeking our attention.

For instance, a father who hides his fear of failure may feel intense anxiety when faced with situations where he’s expected to lead or make decisions. Another father who suppresses feelings of inadequacy might experience anxiety when comparing himself to other dads. The more we push these feelings into the shadow, the more our anxiety intensifies.

James Hollis, a prominent author on shadow work, explains: “Anxiety is the price we pay for the loss of our shadow.” When we suppress or deny parts of ourselves, we pay the price through feelings of anxiety, as our unconscious struggles to bring these aspects to our attention.

The Connection Between Shadow Work and Fatherhood

As fathers, we often feel an immense sense of responsibility to provide, protect, and lead. But when anxiety rooted in our shadow is left unchecked, it can affect how we interact with our children. We may become impatient, overly critical, or emotionally unavailable when our anxiety is triggered. Shadow work helps us understand the roots of our anxiety, giving us the tools to respond more calmly and intentionally.

By addressing the shadow aspects that fuel our anxiety, we can model healthier emotional regulation for our children. We teach them that it’s okay to have difficult emotions and that real strength comes from facing, not avoiding, what’s inside us. This awareness can create a more emotionally safe and nurturing environment for our kids, setting them up for healthier relationships and self-esteem.

3 Thought-Provoking Questions

To explore how your shadow may be perpetuating anxiety, take some time to reflect on these questions:

1. "What situations or experiences make me feel the most anxious, and could this anxiety be related to a hidden part of myself that I’m trying to avoid?"

   • Consider whether there are unresolved fears or feelings of inadequacy that intensify your anxiety.

2. "How do I react to anxiety in front of my children, and what shadow traits might be influencing these reactions?"

   • Reflect on whether your anxious responses stem from past experiences or repressed emotions, and how they impact your role as a father.

3. "Are there any traits or emotions I judge harshly in myself or others, and could these judgments be linked to shadow aspects contributing to my anxiety?"

   • Think about how your judgments might reveal suppressed parts of yourself that fuel your anxiety.

Homework: The Mirror Exercise

This week, we’ll use a simple yet powerful exercise to help identify how your shadow contributes to your anxiety. Set aside some quiet time for self-reflection, and be open to whatever thoughts and feelings arise.

Mirror Exercise Instructions:

1. Stand in front of a mirror in a private space where you won’t be disturbed. Take a few deep breaths and make eye contact with your reflection.
2. Look into your own eyes and say out loud, “What are you afraid of?” Pause and let the question settle. Notice any discomfort, emotions, or thoughts that come up. Don’t judge or push them away—just observe.
3. Then say, “What part of yourself are you hiding?” Again, notice what comes up, even if it feels vague or unclear.
4. After the exercise, write down what you experienced. Reflect on how these fears or hidden traits may be connected to your anxiety. Consider whether these aspects have impacted your behavior as a father.

Additional Reflection:
Think about a recent moment when you felt anxious around your children. Did any suppressed fears or traits influence your reaction? How might becoming more aware of these shadow aspects help you respond with more patience and understanding in the future?

Final Thoughts

Shadow work is not about eliminating anxiety altogether but understanding its roots. By bringing our hidden fears and emotions into the light, we can transform our relationship with anxiety and become more present, resilient fathers. This work requires courage and self-compassion, but the reward is a deeper connection with ourselves and our loved ones.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We’re here to support each other as we face the shadows together, growing stronger and more self-aware as fathers and men.

Thought for the Week:
What might your anxiety be trying to tell you about the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding, and how could facing these parts help you become the father you want to be?

Are you ready to face your shadow? Start the journey with us and begin becoming the father you were meant to be. Join the Free Legacy Father online community, a tribe of men leveling up as fathers.