Self-worth is not just about how we see ourselves—it is about the deep, often hidden beliefs we carry about our value, our abilities, and our right to exist as we are. Many of these beliefs do not originate with us. They are shaped by early experiences, societal conditioning, and expectations placed on us from childhood.
Carl Jung, James Hollis, and Deepak Chopra all emphasize that our shadow—our hidden self—plays a significant role in shaping our self-worth. If we grew up in environments where we were criticized, neglected, or made to feel “not enough,” those messages get buried deep in our unconscious and continue to affect us long after childhood.
The Ego and the Preservation of Self-Worth
Our ego—the image we create of ourselves—is designed to protect us. But that protection is not always in our best interest. If a man grows up being told he is a failure, his ego may adopt a low self-worth identity because it feels safer to believe in failure than to risk proving himself and failing again.
This is why change is so difficult. Even when we logically know we should think better of ourselves, our shadow clings to old beliefs because they are familiar.
For example, a man who believes he is unworthy of love might sabotage relationships, avoid deep connections, or constantly seek validation—all because his ego is preserving a belief that has kept him "safe" in the past.
Breaking the Cycle: Shadow Work and Self-Worth
Unraveling the shadow's grip on our self-worth means facing the unspoken agreements we made with ourselves long ago:
- I am not good enough.
- I do not deserve success.
- I must always prove myself.
- If I show who I really am, I will be rejected.
By bringing these beliefs into the light, we loosen their power over us.
Discussion Questions to Reflect On:
- How does your shadow affect your sense of self-worth or confidence?
- What limiting beliefs about yourself might be linked to unresolved parts of your shadow?
- How do feelings of inadequacy influence your actions and goals?
- What steps can you take to build a healthier self-image by addressing your shadow?
Homework: Evidence Board of Your Strengths
Sometimes, we can get into a thought-habit loop for so long it almost seems normal. To break that we sometimes need to step back and look at the data. This exercise will force your brain to collect real evidence against the false narrative of unworthiness.
- Create a visual representation of your worth (digital or physical).
- On a piece of paper, whiteboard, or notes app, list 10+ times you showed strength, resilience, kindness, or success in the last month.
- Small moments count: Helping a friend, overcoming a challenge, being there for your family.
- Keep adding to this daily for one week.
- Put it somewhere you'll see everyday like a bathroom mirror.
- Each time self-doubt creeps in, look at your board and remind yourself of the truth: You are already enough.
- If you're inclined, share on the Legacy Father Facebook group, or in our private community. YOU ARE WORTHY!
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